As if my being plus sized has somehow earmarked me for failure in life across the board.Surely, I must sit at home eating ice cream all the time watching reruns.“If I wear this long jacket and stand just so, no one will even realize how overweight I am.” “If the lighting at the restaurant is dim enough, I can totally get away with this top.” “If I wear these heels, my legs will look slimmer. ” “If I make self-deprecating jokes about the size of my ass and make him laugh, he’ll fall in love with my sense of humor.” “If I show up later in the evening, all the beautiful people will have gone home.” “If I show up earlier in the evening, all the beautiful people won’t be there yet.” “If he isn’t interested, it’s fine — who meets their soulmate in a bar anyway? In a very pragmatic way, it is also actually physically hard to meet someone in Los Angeles.Our bars and restaurants are crowded, and I hate being the big girl trying to squeeze into a booth or through the room. Asking a restaurant hostess to move my party to another table because I literally could not fit into it.Perhaps the overflow of models, actresses, and beach bunnies is contributing to Los Angeles’s perpetually landing on lists like “Worst Cities for Women Looking to Marry.” Our “norm” is a practically unattainable standard.I have never been “the norm.” I have been overweight all my adult life (see also heavy, curvy, voluptuous, fat, “BBW” — whatever term you want to use).
Not just because men (and women) treat you differently or because single women can be competitive, but because I am my own worst enemy.
I impose the most rules, restrictions, and justifications in my life.
As the chief lawmaker of my own village, I abide by a somewhat irrational code of conduct.
No law says I have to lower my standards, even though sometimes a guy will make me feel like I do. I’ll never forget the time a friend implied that I should “keep to my own.” Since I am heavy, I guess I need to date a heavy guy. I'm not allowed to be attracted to Chris Evans because he's fit.
A skinny guy would never be attracted to a fat girl. To be clear, I’ve dated guys of all shapes and sizes.